All the christmas heterosexual nonsense I was forced to endure during: Single All The Way

does the gayest christmas rom-com still have heterosexual nonsense? perhaps

HELLO. As a wise man once said (one of the three wise men who sell perfume to babies???) it’s beginning to look a LOT like Christmas. I hope you’re all with your families/ chosen families/ glorious solitude, whatever you most desire. But regardless of what you choose, we must remember the true meaning of christmas: not being at work.

ANYWAY. We watched Single All The Way on Netflix, and here is our review:

pitch for this movie: two friends… unless???

GAY!!!

Bec: Going into this movie I was very excited because it is about gay people, and gay people are inherently better and more entertaining than straight people. 

Patrick: yes but looking for gay people on the screen during the naughties (when we were young) basically meant we got the pleasure of watching will from will and grace, who is either making over straight people or singing about rent, in a musical which i have forgotten the name of. So i was cautious.

Bec: It’s actually a shame, because I believe Christmas to be gay. You’ve got all those elves and reindeer living at the North Pole, long lonely nights…there’s also a lot of glitter and tinsel. 

Patrick: making a MASSIVE deal about your birthday is gay culture, and judging from all the little statues i’ve seem, Jesus had abs and was a rambunctious twink.

Bec: Also “ho ho ho”?? That’s me describing a lineup of our friends. In any case, the lesbians got Kristen Stewart in Happiest Season last year, and this year it was your turn. A movie starring Michael Urie. And he is GAY in it, a real different character from his usual thing (gay but not the lead role). 

Patrick: its funny how even though he was the lead role, he still managed to play the gay best friend

Bec: I actually think queerness fits in a lot better with the usual Christmas trope of ‘friends who realise they are in love’ because lots of us hook up with our friends, or remain friends with our exes, there’s a lot of intermingling. I have kissed at least 80% of my friends at some point. There’s no doubt Jesus kissed all of those apostles at a rave. But you have not (because you don’t have friends?). 

Patrick: i don’t think bisexuals get to have friends, we simply have potential targets. Yeah idk, i appreciate that part of queer culture, but i’ve never really hooked up with my friends ever. I have however been very friendly with a lot of my hookups, so we’ll fuck a bunch and then send each other funny memes, long after the boning has ceased.

Bec: There is nothing more erotic than a targeted meme.