All the Christmas nonsense I was forced to endure during: Falling For Christmas

i wish i bonked my head and got amnesia so I could watch this again!

Hello! As long-time subscribers to this wonderful and REGULAR newsletter will know, during the festive season (which apparently begins in November now????) we recap CHRISTMAS ROM-COMS.

And we’re starting with a wonderful addition to the canon - the return of Lindsay Lohan to our screens, in Netflix’s FALLING FOR CHRISTMAS.

this movie was made for the gays and theys because the first quarter is mostly Lindsay Lohan wearing spectacular christmas coloured outfits. However, this film is also homophobic, due to this guy’s weird frosted tips.

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Welcome to christmas season

PATRICK: It’s the most wonderful time of the year - Christmas streaming rom-com season. 

BEC: Jesus would have loved Netflix’s Christmas movie streaming universe. He probably would have come out of his cave sooner if he knew that there was a new Lindsay Lohan rom-com out. Jesus was gay btw. 

PATRICK: it’s very gay to invite 12 men around for brunch and then have one messy twink betray you.

BEC: omg you’re so right. Also all of them sat on one side of the table in order to be in the photo (paintings or whatever). The only thing missing from The Last Supper is mimosas. 

PATRICK: it’s also gay culture to have a very judgemental dad

BEC: It’s official. Christmas is camp. But not as camp as the movie we are here to talk about. 

[Editors note: I’m relatively sure these chuckleheads made this same joke last year, but I cannot be bothered looking back to make sure. Get new jokes]

PATRICK: in many ways, FALLING FOR CHRISTMAS is a modern retelling of a Christmas Carol. In many other ways, it’s about Lindsay Lohan bonking her head at christmas.

BEC: And bonking other things……….Chord Overstreet’s midwestern dick. I don’t actually know where Chord Overstreet is from. What do you think of Chord Overstreet and his insane name? And blonde highlights. Did you watch Glee when he was on it? Are you a Gleek? (derogatory)

PATRICK: i have only JUST learned that the weird frosted tip bland man is named Chord Overstreet and is from Glee. I was not a Gleek, nor did I watch Glee - it was in a dark period of my life where I lived in sharehouses without tvs and I “read” a lot of “books”.

BEC: Disgusting. I am thrilled to announce we can declare the Glee Curse over, because Chord Overstreet got to appear in a movie opposite Lindsay Lohan. Let’s dive in here, actually. 

CHORD OVERSTREET

BEC: We have to start with CHORD OVERSTREET because of how insane I find his name every time I see it or think about it. In this movie I thought he was perfectly exactly average. He was fine. He reminded me of the blonde sleigh guy from Frozen. Is that anything. 

Patrick: he did ok, but did he sleigh? I don’t think so. I felt like he had a curious lack of chemistry with Linsday Lohan, and even more curiously with HIS OWN DAUGHTER. They honestly spoke like they were strangers. The only person he actually had a spark of resonance with was his dead wife’s mother?

BEC: His relationship with the little girl was so strange, it was sort of like she was a ghost that only Lindsay Lohan could see. Maybe he murdered his wife in order to be with her mother? Just spitballing explanations to why he spoke to her one - two times, and every interaction was deeply weird. It’s a spiritual remake of The Others - the little girl only exists inside ski resorts.