All the heterosexual nonsense I was forced to endure during episode SIX of The Bachelorette

HETEROSEXUAL NONSENSE

Hello! Can you believe we are up to episode SIX of this damn show already? AND it’s almost Christmas? Funnily enough in the song 12 Days of Christmas, on the sixth day the true love in the song brings “six geese a-laying”, and this show is nothing if not a bunch of gooses trying to get a-laying! Am I right? What am I even talking about, who knows. My brain is completely smooth, so onto the recap.

fuck me! honk!

Full disclosure: before we began this season, Patrick (human straw you can suck warm liquids through) and I were deciding if we should continue with the ‘heterosexual nonsense’ theme that we have been recapping under for the past few years. We end up agreeing that even though the Bachelorette is bisexual this time around, there would likely be enough heteronormative and heterosexual nonsense built into the show to keep us going….and boy were we unfortunately right!

With the addition of Luca, I feel we have reached maximum quota of heterosexuality, and any more of it will see me running as fast as I can into the nearest brick wall. Okay so I can only run very slowly, more like a walk, but it will do the job if I go head first!

Patrick did a great job recapping last ep, but I just need to quickly say some things after catching up today, and my girlfriend stopped watching after one episode so I can’t screech at her about it. It was extremely annoying to watch!! It gave me flashbacks to the hundreds if not thousands of times I have spent watching extremely hot and cool women be impressed by the most average, obnoxious, nothing men. Around Luca, Brooke, who I ADORE and think is smart and self-aware, turns into a woman on Tinder who says she is looking for a ‘partner in crime’.

I love adventures!

She was so impressed by Luca’s direct admission that he is a fucking sook cunt with a fragile male ego that can’t handle losing and doesn’t care who he hurts in the process. Come on Brooke!! Please!

So let’s just hope, for my mental health, that this episode has less Luca, and more bazooka (boobs).