All the heterosexual nonsense I was forced to endure during episode SEVEN(?) of Married at First Sight

dinner farty

Okay, I have to make a confession. I’ve got no idea what number episode we are up to, and neither does Patrick. The show is on so! many! times! a! week! and I simply do not want to spend any time figuring it out, so we are just going to guess from now on. My guess is that this episode number is the same as the amount of times I thanked God I am not heterosexual throughout the episode.

This ep was the first “dinner party” episode, which is apparently a big deal in MAFS world!! It’s when all the couples meet each other, and they get to weigh up and weigh in on each other’s relationships. Can we take a second here to look at the insane promo image that accosted me when I went to the MAFS website? What’s going on here? Why are they all blind folded. Why does it say MONDAY DINNER PARTY and PASSION HEARTBREAK MAYHEM.

PASSION HEARTBREAK MAYHEM TALKING LAUGHING LOVING BREATHING FIGHTING FUCKING CRYING DRINKING (a little The L Word joke for the fans).

how im trying to be

The promo makes it look like the dinner party was going to become a dinner orgy at some stage. I can happily say it did not become a sex orgy, instead it was an orgy of straight people asking very personal questions about their new relationships, while three strange experts watched via a TV screen.

UNFUNNY PART ALERT: I don’t know what it is about this show that has more of a dark vibe compared to something like The Bachelor. I think it’s maybe that nobody is really truly going on The Bachelor because they are desperate for love, it’s all 25-year-olds for whom love in the situation would just be a bonus, along with Instagram followers. It seems like MAFS has people who have had some really stressful relationship histories, who are older, and who legitimately see this as a last ditch life and love option. During The Bachelor, nobody who is awful truly has the power. If you are a horrible person, you will be booted from the show at some point early. If you are matched with a bad person on MAFS, you are one-on-one, you are in intimate situations, and you are more easily stuck. It’s psychological warfare.

Anyway!! Let’s get into some of what happened during this long, long, long, long episode. Why are the episodes so long. Why is it on so much. Why are there so many ADS, I have never seen this many ADS in all my life. I did like this one though, because it reminded me of all my friends back home.

Let’s get recapping!