All the heterosexual nonsense I was forced to endure during episode FIVE of The Bachelorette

oofy doofy, I haven't seen such an unhappy earth sign at a cocktail party since the last time I went to a cocktail party

Well, well, well (me, counting how many deep irrigation holes I can see, which is three), we’re back! And I’m excited!!! I used to have an existential crisis every night before recaps, because I knew I’d have to stay late at the office, recapping awful men. But now… i’m having actual fun!

This episode… this episode was not great lol, but at least it was PACKED with heterosexual nonsense. Far, far too many men and their petty little thoughts and opinions and meaningless actions. At least I have something to write about.

tfw men continue to both say and do, despite my best wishes