All the heterosexual nonsense I was forced to endure during episode THREE of Fboy Island Australia

This show is like a trap for men, and I'm living for it

You know, I was sceptical about this show. What exactly are they trying to do? Reinvent Love Island but with a kind of forced game aspect? Monetise Abbie Chatfields fame and charm with a cobbled together concept? Hit Australia’s incoming streaming content quota rules in the laziest way possible? Yes, I am cynical enough to have suspected all those theories.

But I’m a convert.

This show is bonkers, not to sound like a British fuckboy. It has wild energy, truly chaotic vibes, and it’s absolutely geared around making fun of these men who think they are handsome and fuckable. That is Becs and my bread and butter, our cup of tea, our big delicious cake. That in itself would endear us to this show. But the craziest thing is these women are absolutely being duped by these terrible men and that is sad, but also FASCINATING television.

And there’s just weird energy in this show, inexplicable stuff.

these muscular men all started having a pillow fight for NO reason, not asked for by anyone, barely even on camera. what is going on

Ah it’s nice to be back. Bec Shaw and I are back in the saddle, galloping wildly away from our many problems and into the beautiful reality TV sunset. Bec, along with battling the vagaries of being alive in the year 2023, has also just completed an entire screenplay, so I want everyone to say a huge “congratulations Bec!” I’ve read snippets of it, and even though movies scare me because I think the things on the screen are going to pop out and get me, I think it’s really good and funny.

Anyway, I will say that this show is HARD to recap because all the men are bad. But, because i am braver than the troops, I will endeavour. Let us recap.

this feels like a metaphor, but im not sure what for yet

LEAST ANNOYING:

Abbie Chatfield

This is a really fun energy for Abbie - she’s really leaning into the hosting duties and having a blast with it, in a way that seems very natural to her. She kinda sets the tone in dealing with the men too - moving between patronising and mocking, with easy flair. And she’s funny! She’s always been funny, and her tv and radio experience has just given her more depth to her confidence.

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Also she just did a post talking about the weird line of misogynistic questions that journalists ask her and it’s such a noticeable thing - nobody asks Osher if he fucked any of the Bachelor contestants.

ABBIE CHATFIELD

ABBIE CHATFIELD on Instagram: “Just a PSA.”

June 7, 2023

Molly

All the girls are great, and we’re definitely rooting for them, but Molly is the only one I truly have any hope for. She has this wary brittleness around her, from being cheated on, which is sad - but also incredibly slay. She is taking no prisoners. At the beginning of this episode, she announced that they needed a game plan, a strategy, because they kept sending the “nice guys” home and accidentally keeping the fuck boys. Even though we keep watching her miss the red flags, she’s wary.

this is the face she has when these men talk to her, and i adore it

Also, she’s the meanest - when Mikey, a little ferret man, got eliminated, Molly savaged him on his way out by saying “for an f-boy, you don’t have a lot of game”.

i believe in you

The editors

Did i mention this show has insane energy, and part of it is a kind of “to hell with it” loose energy? My favourite example of this was when they did a fuck marry kill game, but with a pie, and after showing us one round, just skipped the rest of it because it went “too long”.

this is a RENAISSANCE painting

As a recapper, this is the closest way to my heart, you have earned A LIFELONG PAL.

even they are bored lol

when george lucas gets tired of star wars films

MOST ANNOYING