All the heterosexual nonsense I was forced to endure in episode FOUR of The Bachelorette

Hi besties, festies and the resties, welcome to our week 2 recaps of The Bachelorette! I am actually finding recapping this season a completely new experience. In other seasons I have wished the best for the contestants, but I have never actually been emotionally invested in the outcome. Usually as soon as the finale where a boring man has chosen a woman or a boring man has been chosen by a woman is over, I have immediately forgotten them, as if a piano has fallen on my head and given me a very specific kind of heterosexual amnesia. But this time is different! I care! I want everyone to be happy! Some more than others, but still!

For example, I am a bit sad that we lost people like Ritu last episode, and Bec this episode. They both seemed hot and cool and queer and didn’t get any screentime, and ultimately I think their downfall was that they were probably not normie enough. Someone I used to hook up with messaged me to say that they hooked up with Ritu’s ex, which means we are basically two degrees of Kevin Gaycon apart. It means we would be on The L Word chart together, and sorry to say but nobody on the chart in my vicinity is normal enough for The Bachelorette.

mfw i remember the names of people

This episode was a massive one, with individual dates, crying, group dates, injuries, the arrival of FOUR intruders, and crying. It was a lot, and i’m finding the show genuinely enjoyable to watch? It’s a strange new flavour sensation.

I know there have been reports that the ratings are down this season, but our friends over at Bachelor of Hearts Podcast did some Veronica Mars/Nancy Drew shit and helped confirm what we already suspected - that young people are definitely watching, and the TV ratings system in this country is completely broken!

Bachelor of Hearts Podcast 🌹 @BOHpod

As suspected, the #BacheloretteAU ratings have dramatically improved once on-demand streaming numbers have been brought into the picture. Last week's premiere is up 51% on its overnight ratings after a week:

tvtonight.com.auThe Bachelorette low, but big lift in BVOD. | TV TonightYounger viewers for Bachelorette appear to be moving to BVOD and snubbing its linear broadcast.

So let’s get to it - even though I am enjoying this season, it doesn’t mean I am not absolutely infuriated at points. But it’s not just the straight men! Queer people are some of the most annoying people I know. And that’s equality babes.