All the heterosexual nonsense I was forced to endure during THE FINALE of Fboy Island

The f in Fboy stands for finale

Hello and welcome to FBoy Island, but this time the F stands for Finale! What a magical journey we have been on together, wading through all these FBoys and Nice Guys (who also largely suck) to try and find out if any of them are just Normal Men. Innocent Men. Speaking of normal men, my own personal Fboy (F stands for Friend), Patrick and I have really enjoyed recapping this season, especially relatively!

Also, I have still been recovering from a very tough mental health period, and am a bit up and down, and I have to thank Patrick for being an incredible support, holding me at the front of the boat recap as we head towards disaster.

Jactrick

The show itself has been a breath of fresh. Even though not 100% of them have worked, I have really enjoyed the big swings the show has taken, and I liked how deliberately funny it was trying to be - often succeeding! They wrote jokes! I love jokes.

I think usually in the finale episode of this show’s format we would be seeing the women choose their man, that man revealing if he is an FBoy or a Nice Guy, and then he decides if he ‘s going to take all the money, or share with the woman. In this version, (because Vernon is a fucking idiot) we already know the men’s identities, and now we wait to see who the women pick. There is still tension because some of the FBoys might be ‘reformed’, after about two weeks (I assume) on an island, with no therapy, or might be pretending to be reformed, and could take all the money.

Let’s get into the finale! My own personal dream is that all of the women shun all of the men in humiliating ways, and along with Abbie, they start a lesbian commune together. But it’s probably not going to happen.

So let’s see how annoying reality is!

LEAST ANNOYING

Abbie

As readers know, Patrick and I have been on Team Abbie since she strode onto The Bachelor and started making people angry by being horny and funny. She has worked her ass off since then, putting all her fingers into little pies (horny), influencing, creating businesses, podcasting, presenting, and it’s paid off - her hosting feels really natural and refreshing. She’s funny, and she allowed the audience to have a representative - someone who found the boys beneath her, and would make fun of them for us.

Side note: look at these fucking men. It’s like a police lineup for a suspect who robbed a Tarocash factory.

the shoes. look at the shoes.

In short: Abbie was great. Thank you Abbie.

Nick

Some men have lesbian vibes, and I’ve realised Nick is one of them. He wants romance and connection, he’s sweet, loves eye contact - and look at this jewellery.

wives

Also, this made me laugh out loud.

Have you know that scene from Titanic?

Sophie/Joshy

I believe grown men shouldn’t be called Joshy, I believe Sophie is too beautiful and awesome to be with this reformed FBoy named Joshy, but in the end - we had no chance.

in the end

Sophie and Josh went on a date where they did life drawing, and he was comfortable and making jokes, and she literally couldn’t help but fall in love with him.

It makes sense though, these are the amazing gags he was pulling out.

In the final, it the came down to Joshy the FBoy and Justin the Nice Guy, but Sophie was won over by Joshy’s final speech, where he said the word ‘obviously’ maybe 15 times in 1 minute.

binge makes it hard to screenshot obviously sorry

Anyway, Joshy split the money with Sophie and she finds him hot he makes her laugh, so fine.

I have a horrible feeling he’s going to try doing standup.

They don’t get their own category but Ziara chose cutiepie and my fave from the start Izaya, and that was the right decision and they are very hot together so good for them.

MOST ANNOYING (ALSO LEAST)

Vernon (Molly)