The Bachelorette is OVER, but the heterosexual nonsense ENDURES

announcing our new projects, all the terrible things we're going to do to keep you entertained, we have so much, we're going to go insane

HELLO ANGELS. So… let’s talk the future.

the year is 2022, not being in love is illegal, and everyone must go on a bachelor style dating show in order to find their true love. If they don’t, they are murdered by the state . Only one man and one woman is brave enough to fight back. That’s not us. Thats someone else. wouldn’t that be a cool film???

Anyway, gosh oh gee. Bec and I are just so thrilled and honoured and grateful and scared by the amazing support from this strange little newsletter community that we have forged through communal love of The Bachelorette and queerness, and the notion of having to endure heterosexuality. Sure, a lot of hetorosexual people are here too — omg thank you ALLIES — but in many ways, these are the people who have had to endure the most heterosexuality.

But my point is that we love you all, and we’re so thankful to have found you, and we’re GOING TO PROVIDE YOU WITH A DIVERSE RANGE OF WEIRD AND BEAUTIFUL CONTENT to keep you all around and to say thanks.

my partners family when i tell them that the majority of my income is from a newsletter where I recap The Bachelorette

So, obviously we will be doing The Bachelor/Bachelorette next year, but in the meantime, we are launching FOUR EXCITING NEW PROJECTS on All The Heterosexual Nonsense We Were Forced To Endure, and we’re very excited, and we hope you are too.

1. All The Festive Nonsense I Was Forced To Endure

Ho, ho, ho (a third friend is in the picture, just out of shot)

Tis’ the season, bitches! Over the month of December, Bec and I are going to watch CHRISTMAS ROMANTIC COMEDIES and give them the old Het Nonsense recap. I love christmas movies, and i love romcoms, and Bec enjoys criticising things and watching stuff, so this is a match made in heaven.

And the best part is we’re going to open up some polls later this week so YOU can nominate which film we watch (the one gay netflix one? the one where a knight travel back in time? The Princess Switch 3?)

2. All the nonsense you were forced to endure while dating

So this is a new regular DATING ADVICE/ AGONY AUNT column!!!! There is nobody more qualified to give baseless and irresponsible advice on your dating life (especially if you’re a cis woman dating a cis man) than a queer woman named Bec and a Virgo (I’m the virgo).

We think we’ll do this a couple of times a month, and we’ll mostly be commenting on problems on the internet, but you can send us your problems if you really want. This is also the place to tell Bec that you think she’s hot (and not in big letters in our unsubscribe window).

Hooray! judging!! I mean advice!!!!

3. All the heterosexual nonsense I was forced to endure during BYRON BAES

This show looks terrible!

So we’re gonna make fun of all the bad straight men on it!!!!!! they’re influencers!!!! it’s gonna be brutal.

From what i’ve heard from my industry contacts (a group chat I have with a bunch of brainworm people) this show will hit Netflix early next year. We will be there.

4. All the heterosexual nonsense I was forced to endure during FARMERS WANTS A WIFE

Bec suggested this one and I was like, bec, just because there’s people wearing plaid shirts and sensible shoes does not mean they are lesbians!!!! but nevertheless!!!!

we are gonna try to recap this, but if it fucking sucks, we might back out ok???? OK????? but we’re excited. I’m thrilled to find out what a “farmer” is. I know that I’m not a fan of the big ones - people keep telling me that I can’t afford medication because of big farmer, but hopefully there will be some short farmer kings I can root for.

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Anyway, those are our big projects, we’re also gonna do some stuff like round up funny TikToks for ya’ll, keep you updated with Bachy gossip, tell you about all the weird dreams I have when I have sleep paralysis (last night i had a dream that i ran a suburban Bunnings!

We love you so much, please let us know what you think of our projects, and let us know if you have any suggestions or comments or requests. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!